if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
