I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
this is an emotional support booty call
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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