i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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