I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
