He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
