The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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