3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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