Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
