I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
