How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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