If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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