party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
