This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
