So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
