Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
