I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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