I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
