I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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