sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
