Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
