whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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