He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
