he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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