garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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