My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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