worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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