Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
