I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
