Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
