Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
