My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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