ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
