Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
