last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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