My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
