I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
