Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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