Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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