Moan for me like Helen Keller
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
