turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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