THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
