Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
