My liver just broke up with me...
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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