brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
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