At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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