also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
