I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
