I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
