I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
