if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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