btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
