My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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