Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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