He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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