Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
