So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just gargled with NyQuil
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
