Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
