I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
