I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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