Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize