I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
of course. lets lasso hookers.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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