I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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