I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
