I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
