I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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