My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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