drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
