I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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