Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
